


"Those" feelings

by justanothermemer



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gross, No Smut, disgusting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-01-07 03:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12224952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothermemer/pseuds/justanothermemer
Summary: You are the new girl at school and this boy, Eric Cartman, is just your type. The first time your eyes laid on him you instantly knew he was the perfect man for you. You might only be ten but you love him. He is fat and rude- a bad boy just how you like it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a funny hahaha

"Don't be late, honey!" your mom says in her disgustingly pompous caring tone. 

"Moooom, shut up! I won't be late. It's my first day that would be like- total social suicide." You said to your mom before slamming the door and heading to school. _South Park? Huh,_ you thought to yourself as you walked to South Park Elementary. When you entered that damned brick building you noticed a group of friends. And then you saw him. HIM. The first time your eyes laid on him you instantly knew he was the perfect man for you. You might only be ten but you love him. He is fat and rude- a bad boy just how you like it.

"Who is this bitch?" you hear him mutter to his friends. You are completely unfazed by his clear impolite disposition, blinded by love.

"What is your fucking name, you fucking asswipe" you say in the smooth, sexy, confident girl voice you practice each night with your Jason Derulo poster. 

"C-Cartman," he coughs and clears his throat. "E-Eric Cartman." he stutters awkwardly.

Then, one of his friends, Kyle, you remember, said, "Isn't Jimmy out today?" 

Everyone except for you and Eric were giggling. You were intimidating him to get his attention so he'll like you, you read it once in a teen magazine. You loose focus for a second, just staring at Eric. He was everything you've ever dreamed of, a chubby boy, rude and with sociopathic and severe narcissistic tendencies. 

"Well, my name is (Y/N). I am the new student here at South Park Elementary School. Eric Cartman, I am in love with you, you will go out with me and marry me and we will have lots of love children," you said confidently. "See me in the left corner of the cafeteria 5 minutes before the end of lunch," this is when your orientation had come in handy, "If you don't comply, I will be forced to burn your clothing and violently skin you over a 4 week period of slowly starving you in the process, holding you in my basement, completely alone unless for feeding of a single grain of rice or the skin removal."

He blankly started at you looking like a scared, defenseless deer in headlights. Seeing him like that make your deep lust for him grow stronger. You walked to class and continued with your day. You deeply hated everyone at the school except for Eric Cartman. When it came to lunchtime, he did just as you said. 

"Uh, (Y/N), I don't normally get all stuttery like that. I just want to let you know that you are a fucking psychotic cunt. Kiss me." You are completely stunned by this. It's everything you've wanted, could have ever dreamed of, all at once. You have never wanted to do something more in your life. You grabbed Eric Cartman by his bright teal hat and pulled him in close and violently stuck your tongue deep into his shallow pathetic mouth in utter excitement. You stayed this way for a solid thirty seconds grabbing his chubby arms and rubbing them so enthusiastically it was disconcerting. 

"Friday, 7pm, back of the school." you said. 

He nodded, flipping you off as he headed to his class.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman and (Y/N) meet again, at long last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long Awaited Sequel

It is now 3:00 pm, the school bell rings. You have made it through another day, somehow, without Eric Cartman. During your lessons in class, your mind is completely preoccupied. Some bitch Wendy tried to talk to you earlier but you told her to shut up. You grow more and more nervous as that time, 7 pm, fatefully nears. Of course, you will not show up on time. For you, complete devotion and submission were necessary in a relationship and Eric would prove that to you by waiting. 

You begin to walk home, and you see him again. Eric is still with his friends. You have been studying his life very closely and know all of their names now. There is Stan, Kyle and Kenny. You figure that, unfortunately, since you desire Eric Cartman more than life itself, you must befriend and gain the trust of these boys too. The thought of anyone but that gorgeous, lumpy, anti-semite made you sick. Luckily, you had taken several pictures of Cartman on your cell phone without his knowledge, which made them ever more exciting. 

As you walk through the door, you heard you mother. "Oh hi, sweety! How was you day at school?," she says in her classic shrill voice. 

"Fine, but it's not like you really care, mom," you reply, in an aggressive tone.  
  
"Oh, heavens-"

"I am going on a date with my boyfriend later. I'll come home so don't bother calling me," you say, trying to shut her up.

"Young lady, that is enough! I don't know who gave you these hideous notions but you cannot speak to your mother that way!," she shrieks. 

"Whatever, mom, I am still going." After you say this, you escape to your room as soon as possible. When the door closes behind you, you immediately shuffle through your drawers, looking for your most revealing clothes. After all, you would like to impress Cartman. For the next 4 hours, you lock yourself in your room and practice every single possible scenario imaginable with the photos you took of Eric that could happen on your date. You feel so nervous, almost as if Cartman is a test from God. He is so perfect for you, literally every detail he possesses has been in your dreams. Everything down to the smell! Just the thought of his bloated body and snappy voice make your knees weak. If you can't have Eric Cartman, no one can. You cannot fathom a life without him, without knowing he exists. The past two days have been the best of your life. 

You notice after changing your lock screen and home screen to pictures of Eric that it's 7:15. Dressed to seduce Eric, you leave the house despite your mother howling, "Don't you go anywhere in those clothes, missy!" It's a very short walk to the school from your house, but every step seemed to take longer and longer. Your entire life was now just waiting to see Cartman again. 

And then, you saw him. Wearing the same thing he did to school, but pacing nervously behind the school. "Eric, you waited for me." you shout. 

"Yeah, (Y/N), no shit." he says back.

"Eric Cartman," you pause, now nearing him, "I love you."

"I- uh," Cartman stammers. "I d-don't know what to say, (Y/N). I guess I l-love you too."

You throw yourself onto him, knocking the both of you down. He struggles to get up at first, but quickly gives in. You hug, and squeeze his obese body, trying to implant this feeling into your memory forever.

"Oh, Eric! Be forever mine!"

you live happily ever after with the love of your life. the end.


End file.
